Thankful for...Everything

Today is Thanksgiving and I’ve taken the time to point out some of the many blessings You’ve given me. It’s so exciting that You would give me so much when I deserve nothing. I’m humbled by Your love and grace—Your desire to give such great gifts to Your undeserving daughter.

I’m tempted to make a list of all the things, people, and gifts You’ve given me that I often overlook, and then tell You “Thanks” as if by mere acknowledgement of it all You’ll be glorified. But how could making a list of the things in my life that I’ve deemed as “good” be enough for You?

You desire so much more, and while I do thank You, and I do acknowledge the many blessings I enjoy yet don’t deserve—the family members You’ve given me, the mutt that’s brought so many laughs to our home, the ministry opportunities with and without the church, the love You’ve given me for the high schoolers, the godly examples You’ve put in my life, the many friendships that encourage me, the variety of talents You’ve blessed me with, the warm showers and baths I enjoy so much in the States, my own room that perfectly reflects my personality—I also cling to Your Word You’ve given (And I do thank You and praise You for Your precious Word).

In Romans 8:28, You use Paul to say that all things work together for the good of those who love You. In Romans 8:18, You say that our current sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. In Philippians 4:4, You call us to rejoice in You always. In Psalm 118:1, You say to give You thanks because You are good and Your love endures forever.

If all these Words are true, and I believe with my whole heart that they are, then I believe I have even more to be thankful for. I realize that in addition to the things in my life that I easily label as “good” (and they certainly do make me feel great), I also thank You for the things I often dismiss and the things I label as “bad.” While some of these things really are sad, frustrating, and even classified in Your Word as sin, I thank You for everything because Your Word promises that all things work together for the good of those who love You, and I do love You.

So I thank You and praise You not despite, but because of the difficulties in my life. I thank You that the dog You blessed me with also has the issues of aggression and biting and now I have to spend money and time to train her. I thank You for having me live in a home that does not always put You first, for the devastation caused by family members who do not love You, for the confusion and anxiety I often experience now that I’m done with school and trying to figure out what to do each day, for the depression I often battle, for the daily struggle to please You as I fight against my flesh and often fail, for the people who have hurt me, and for the experiences that make me miserable and reveal how weak I truly am.

I thank You for all of this, because You have allowed it, and, while I can’t always see what You’re doing, I know that You are teaching me more than I can know, refining me through the difficult processes, reminding me of my desperate need to cling to You always, humbling me through my many inadequacies, preparing me for what may come next. You are always good and worthy of praise, You will work all things together for my good, and You reveal Your glory in and through me.

As I struggle to rejoice in You always, I will take on an attitude of gratefulness. I will thank You for the traffic—You may be preventing me from speeding and crashing; You may be using it to cultivate patience; You may be providing extra time for me to spend with You; You may be doing something I can’t even comprehend. But You are good, everything You allow works for my good, and I will thank You.

I will allow You to remind me that the only reason I can rest in the hope that all things work together for my good is because of Your great love and mercy. So Jesus, more than anything You’ve given me and regardless of how it all makes me feel, I thank You for Your perfect love. Thank You for dying on the cross, being separated from the Father, enduring the wrath I deserved, and rising again so that I may come to You broken, disgusting, and dying, and so that You may make me white as snow and promise me new life. I know my words will never be enough, I know I can’t even comprehend how much You’ve done and are doing, how great You really are, and You knew it, too, when You chose to die for me.

I do acknowledge who You are, not only today but every day. I give You my life because You deserve it and so much more. Please continue to refine and use me as You deem “good,” and don’t ever stop because I don’t like how it feels or because I don’t understand. Thank You for showing me that, because of who You are, I have everything to be thankful for.

Putting Off Your Old Self

Inspired by Eddie McRae’s message “How to Battle Sin” at The Well High School Ministry on Thursday

After a study on Ephesians 4:17-32, a passage Paul writes to encourage the Christian to die to his old self and then to put on a new and righteous self, I decided to explore just how a Christian can put to death his/her old self while obviously still battling the flesh as a human being.

I was prompted by the question, when you continually fall into sin as a believer, how do you once and for all overcome it? I came up with the list below.

When I face temptation, I aim to:

·      Overwhelm myself with Christ. I try to get into a state of mind where I see how great God is and how selfish and wrong it is to disobey Him. I purposely study scriptures about His power, righteousness, and goodness. (Yes, pretty much the whole Bible works for this, but I specifically search for those attributes of God as I read, asking God to show me a glimpse of how great He is.) Once I am overwhelmed with God’s greatness, I find it increasingly easy* to desire to glorify Him rather than myself, and therefore say “no” to temptation.

*When I say easy, I don’t mean EASY easy—this is a spiritual battle and it takes strength to overcome each fight; but for me the discipline becomes easier once I’m reminded of how incredible Christ.

·      Stop all and run to Christ. The Bible says to flee from temptation and seek Christ. When I’m tempted, depending on the situation, I try to stop everything else and pray, or I run (sometimes literally) outside to talk to God and place a physical boundary between myself and whatever sin is tempting me.

·      Force myself to do good and pray until I desire Christ. Sometimes I have absolutely zero desire in my heart to listen to God, but I’ll do it anyway and pray God changes the attitude of my heart. Obeying God with a bad attitude isn’t as glorifying to Christ as a genuine desire to obey Him, but it’s a step in the right direction because it shows a heart of obedience even when it’s annoying/hard/difficult.

·      Recite Scripture. I’ve found that memorizing scripture related to the particular temptation I’m struggling with (or just temptation in general) is extremely helpful. When I hide His Word in my heart, He instructs me with Truth even when I don’t have a Bible right in front of me. I’ll take a passage and write it on my mirror, post it on sticky notes in my car, and say it to myself throughout the day.

·      Recognize God’s grace—true understanding of God’s grace doesn’t lead to the abuse of it; rather, it leads to a humbling which invokes obedience. When I think about God’s love for me—that He was willing to die and remove my sins so we could spend forever together—it becomes difficult for me to spit in His face by continuing in my sin. I deserved death, and I was going to receive death except that Christ died for me and made a way for me to have life. Wow, what wonderful incentive to glorify Him!

·      Tell a friend. Once the temptation is out in the open, it becomes more difficult to continue in it. For starters, you’ve got someone else praying for you. Also, Satan wants us to keep everything in the darkness, and by exposing it he cannot continue to get you all alone. In addition, telling a person leads to accountability—I have wonderful friends who can ask me how I’m doing with a particular issue. Just knowing I will be asked the next time I see someone adds incentive to stay focused on righteousness.

·      Praise Him. If I spend time verbalizing how wonderful God is, I tend to think less of myself and more of Him. As a result, the strength of the temptation is minimized because I’m no longer focused on it, but on my incredible God.

·      Fast and pray. If I’ve been really struggling with a particular sin and nothing seems to work, I will sometimes fast and pray. Many times I’ll fast from something related to the sin (For example, I’ve fasted from chocolate for weeks at a time because God convicted me of a dependence on getting that tasty fix every day—it may sound silly, but it was very real to me. God was clear that He wanted my whole heart and I was ignoring Him to satisfy a chocolate craving throughout the day). Other times I’ll fast from food for a day or a few days to commit myself to prayer. The act of fasting demonstrates a denying of flesh and an extra commitment to invoking the Spirit. Whatever I fast from, I dedicate myself to prayer. When I crave whatever I’m fasting, I pray. The time throughout the day that I normally spend doing whatever I’m fasting from is also spent in prayer. As a result, I am seriously praying for a greater amount of time throughout the day.

·      Maintain an eternal perspective. I try to remember that this world is so temporary. Whatever temptation I face will not last forever and it will pass. Also, the fact that I have maybe failed thousands of times before is insignificant because Christ has healed me. I have the hope of heaven. Keep in mind that it will be a struggle between flesh and spirit until my physical body literally dies, so don’t allow Satan to beat you up for any failures. Instead, hope in Christ, the cross, and the promise of perfection in heaven where there will be no more sin.

·      Test my thoughts. It’s not a sin to be tempted, but it gets tricky when you start entertaining sinful thoughts. I ask myself is this from God or is this Satan trying to trip me up? What does God’s Word say about this statement?

·      Remember I have free will. I don’t rely on any of these tricks to keep me from choosing to sin; I use them to help get my heart on track so that I choose righteousness, but I ultimately have to make the difficult decision to deny my flesh when I want something that is not of the Lord.

·      Prepare myself for future attacks. When I’m struggling with a particular sin, I wake up in the morning and admit to myself that I will likely be tempted that day. I seek to make a commitment that, no matter how strong the urge, I will not give in. I’ll say something like It’s a new day, a chance to make the right decisions. Later I will be tempted with this, as I have been every other day. Lord, I’m committing to resist the temptation I face today. I ask for your strength in this battle and reminders of Your Word as I seek to overcome this. When I mentally and spiritually prepare for the temptation, I’m not surprised when I’m faced with difficult situations and I’m more likely to stay strong.

I don’t practice any of this as perfectly as I should—I often feel like Paul in my struggle between flesh and spirit (Romans 7:14-25). However, I wanted to share what I have found beneficial in putting off my old self when a particular sin keeps eating away at me.

I’m interested to hear from you. What helps you take off the old self and keep it off?

Traveling Back to the States

I've been home for a month now and I'm still trying to adjust to American life, but I wanted to update all you faithful friends and family on my last experience in Tacna.

Many of you know that I made it home safely, but most of you don't know that I ALMOST didn't come home the day of my flight. I got really sick (again) the Tuesday before my Friday flight. I had a ton of plans for my last week in Tacna consisting mostly of letters and gifts I wanted to make and buy for my friends, but I was hardly able to do much that last week. 

Finally, on Thursday night, I got more sick than I had been in Tacna. I went to the church in Local Central for a going away party, but I never actually attended the party. A handful of people did, however, come visit me as I lay on the bathroom floor. It was there that I said goodbye to some of my dearest friends in Tacna.

As the night went on I experienced some of the worst pain of my life. Our friend and doctor, Ebel, gave me an injection that was supposed to make everything feel better. I finally went home with my Peruvian family and team, but the pain continued. We all went to bed, but at 1:30 in the morning I woke up my sister and asked her to call the doctor because I was in excruciating pain. Judith made me the tea the doctor prescribed while Stephanie searched online for a way to change my flight.  

I remember praying, "God, if you want me to stay longer in Tacna, please just tell me. I will stay if that's Your will. But if you want me to go, PLEASE touch me and heal me. You are so powerful, please have mercy on Your child." Within 45 minutes God had given me the release I needed. I told my sister and Judith that I'd let them know in the morning if I would be able to make the 26 hour trip home.

I woke up at 9am the day of my trip and announced, "I think I can do it." My team and family were thrilled, so I frantically started packing my things and finishing up notes and gifts for my Peruvian family in the 3 hours before Brian, the pastor, came to take me to the airport. Judith made me 2 plastic bags of plain rice and 1 bag of boiled chicken so I could eat mild foods throughout my journey.

I said my tearful goodbyes to friends and family and was on my way.

Because I had a 9 hour layover in Lima and was exhausted, the church arranged for a mother of a church member who now lives Lima to pick me up from the airport and allow me to rest for a few hours in her home before my flight. The 8 hours I spent with Tia Orietta became one of the most memorable points from my time in Peru.

Tia Orietta is the most loving and caring person I've ever met. Her warmth toward all people is something that has stuck with me these past few weeks. She demonstrated genuine love toward total strangers (including me). I couldn't thank her enough for her hospitality, but she assured me it was a blessing to help a sister in Christ. She also made me the best chicken soup I've ever had. :) I rested in her home for seven hours and then we prayed together and went back to the airport. She waited an hour alone for me to check in my bags and walked me to security where we hugged goodbye as if we'd known each other for years. 

Watching the way she interacted with me and others in those few 9 hours has inspired me to demonstrate Christ to all people in every situation. Tia Orietta isn't just a nice person who smiles at everyone she meets; it's as if her every encounter with other people--friend or stranger--screams, "You're valuable to God and, therefore, to me!" The way she talked to and cared for me, the way she treated our taxi drivers and the taxi drivers we walked past, the way she loved and disciplined her 9 year old daughter--it all reflected a person who values Christ and others.

I tried to use what I'd learned from Tia Orietta in my interactions with people throughout my travel home. I'm not sure how successful I was considering I couldn't verbalize things quite the way she had, but in my heart I was definitely loving the strangers I encountered.

After 26 hours of travel and little sleep, I arrived at LAX. I was finally "home!" I rushed through baggage claim and customs to find my parents waiting for me. I had a lot of things to sort out emotionally, physically and spiritually, but I could not deny God's hand upon my safe and even healthy travel back to the States.

I’ve always heard about people who live in poverty but have more joy than people who live in Orange County. It sounds so great and has made it easy for me to dismiss the poverty I hear about. Deep down inside a part of me may have believed I was helping people in poverty by neglecting to send money—that way they COULDN’T become materialistic and could only depend on the Lord for their joy.

While it may be true that in some places people have less physically but more spiritually, the lack of things cannot be pointed to as the reason for that joy. I have encountered a few people here that have few possessions and are filled with God’s joy, but I would like to announce the reality check I’ve experienced: This is a third world country—the people here have close to nothing, daily life is a struggle, and many people in Tacna (including a few members of the church) have no hope in Christ. As a result, a lot of people are depressed.

After spending a few weeks here, I didn’t know what to do with these observations. Should I try to convince the people to be content with having their water cut off for five days while I dream of a warm shower the moment I return to the States? Or should I give into the other temptation and get rid of all my money and possessions in hopes that some people will be blessed and happy in God? I’ve been trying to write this blog for two months but haven’t been able to because I didn’t have an answer…until now.

Just because people can survive with plywood walls, curtain doors, and water that only runs from 3am-7am doesn’t mean it’s easy to live with. It’s depressing to sleep on the floor with your entire family. It’s hard to wash dishes, cook, and do laundry when the water only comes sporadically throughout the day and night. Families suffer when every adult in the house works 12 hour shifts, 6 days a week. Fixing these problems won’t necessarily result in joy, and God allows people to live with little just as He allows people to live with much, but let’s not ignore the problems people face around the world in hopes of sparing them from materialism.

So when do we give and when do we trust that God is doing a work despite the hardships? Are you ready for the answer? It’s very simple—listen to God. Be sensitive to His guiding and obey. God repeatedly emphasizes how small this life is, how stupid it is to hold on to things in this life, and the eternal reward that comes from giving.

We brought nothing with us when we came into the world, and we can’t take anything with us when we leave it. 1 Timothy 6:7

Go and sell all your possessions and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.   Mark 10:21b

Teach those who are rich in this world not to be proud and not to trust in their money, which is so unreliable. Their trust should be in God, who richly gives us all we need for our enjoyment. Tell them to use their money to do good. They should be rich in good works and generous to those in need, always being ready to share with others. By doing this they will be storing up their treasure as a good foundation for the future so they may experience true life.  1 Timothy 6:17-19

God has shown me I need to give away everything I have every day; I need to give all of my heart and my things to God in every moment, and then allow Him to decide where to distribute it all. Some things may be mine for today and not tomorrow, some things may be garbage, and some things may be better used for others, but it’s all God’s. All I have to do is listen to His guiding in every situation and obey.

At first I was disappointed with that simple answer. It makes life more complicated because I can’t just say “20% of my income to missions, my Starbucks fund to ‘blessing’ others, and the rest for me—I earned it.” But life isn’t that clear-cut. There are times where it’s appropriate to buy a meal for a single mother raising a family of three and a huge burden is lifted, and there are times where buying that meal as a “blessing” actually insults her because it makes her feel incapable of providing for her family. This is one small reason why there is no rule to live by except to abandon everything, recognize that all of our stuff is more temporary than we can humanly understand, and then listen and obey what God asks us to do in each situation.

In all things, I am striving to remember:

It is more blessed to give than to receive.  Acts 20:35

…When someone has been given much, much will be required in return; and when someone has been entrusted with much, even more will be required.  Luke 12:48

Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full—pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap. The measure you give will be the measure you get back.  Luke 6:38

You must each decide in your heart how much to give. And don’t give reluctantly or in response to pressure. “For God loves a person who gives cheerfully.” And God will generously provide all you need. Then you will always have everything you need and plenty left over to share with others. As the Scriptures say, “They share freely and give generously to the poor. Their good deeds will be remembered forever.” For God is the one who provides seed for the farmer and then bread to eat. In the same way, he will provide and increase your resources and then produce a great harvest of generosity in you. Yes, you will be enriched in every way so that you can always be generous. And when we take your gifts to those who need them, they will thank God.  2 Corinthians 9:7-11

Look what God has blessed me with!

Meet Snowball!



Apparently Judith, the lady I'm living with, has noticed my reaction to EVERY dog I see, because she brought this one home for me! This puppy belongs to two girls in the church, but Judith asked for permission to borrow it for the rest of the time I'm here so I can have a puppy. For some reason they agreed, and I now have the cutest puppy in the world to take care of until I can come home to my puppies in the States! God is SO good!!!

Let all that I am praise the Lord

It’s been a little over a week living in a new home without my sister. I feel removed from my team, and from people in general. In reality, I have very little time to myself, but I’m always amazed at how possible it is to feel lonely surrounded by people.

I have especially felt estranged these past few days because I got sick for the third time this trip. I guess without the explanation it would suffice to say I’ve been a bit overwhelmed lately; but I’ve prayed and cried to God.

Some of my prayers reminded me of the book of Psalms, so I decided to seek encouragement from a psalm which also cries out to God. Instead, God led me to Psalm 103, a psalm that doesn’t include a single verse of lament.

Let all that I am praise the Lord.

This mess of a body that keeps getting sick

Let all that I am praise the Lord.

This twisted tongue and mind that struggle to speak a new language

Let all that I am praise the Lord.

This heart that aches for family and fellowship 4,000 miles away.

Let all that I am praise the Lord.

With my whole heart I will praise his holy name. (v. 1)

Even though it breaks for things I cannot change, for people I cannot hold, for places I cannot be, my whole heart sings praises to God.

Though I’m tempted to fall apart, I refuse to forget in times of weakness the greatness of my God. Saving me from the death I deserved is reason enough to praise Him at all times, but He is so much more.

He crowns me with love and tender mercies. He fills my life with good things (Psalm 103:4b-5a).

Good things. I’ve already listed in previous posts many good things God has filled my life with. Yes, my life is full of many “good things.”

But when I’m sick, sad, or exhausted I can’t help but wonder if it’s also good. Because something feels bad, does that mean it is? Since God is good, and I’m seeking Him, and nothing happens that God doesn’t allow, then I’m confident this pain is for good.

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them (Romans 8:28).

I can’t even label what I’m experiencing as bad because God has promised that it will all work together for good. All the more reason to let all that I am praise the Lord!

I have a bed!!!

I am so thankful to my wonderful Father for providing me with a bed! After the first week I have slept without a mattress and have been praying for a bed for over a month now. To everyone else who prayed with me, thank you!

The original plan was that my sister and I would live together in a house close to Laura and Ana, but that never worked out, and I’m VERY thankful. I was blessed with a nice room and bed the first week I was in Peru and was able to transition into Peruvian life more easily that way.

The bed and couch Brian and Chiqui offered the first two weeks while my sister and I struggled with stomach illnesses were a huge blessing. They were extremely understanding and even helped me laugh about being sick.

Chiqui and Me

Sharing meals with Brian and Chiqui was a huge blessing—I was able to get to know these amazing leaders better. Their stories encouraged me to continue to do missions the way God prompts me and not based on any formula.

I was also blessed to be able to hang out with their adorable one-year-old son, Matthew, every day. Every morning I was greeted with a smile.

After two weeks with Brian and Chiqui, my sister and I moved into Local Central, a sister church of the one we’re most closely working with in Ciudad Nueva.

We shared a room with a team of 10 other Chilean missionaries for a few weeks. Despite invading the team’s space, breakfasts, and dinners for over a week, they were extremely welcoming. They were helpful when I got sick a second time and went to great lengths to take care of me despite the language barrier.

Here are two of our new Chilean friends, Vero and Susana.

Because we work in Ciudad Nueva every day, a 20 minute bus ride from the church where my sister and I were staying, we ate lunch with Laura and Ana’s host family almost every day (Laura and Ana live within walking distance of the church in Ciudad Nueva). Eating with Victor and Ayda Lyda was a wonderful treat. Aside from the delicious food Ayda Lyda prepares, I have been inspired by how much this couple loves each other, the way they treat their children, and how willing they were to have my sister and I eat with them. They are a wonderful example of Christ and I’m so thrilled Ana and Laura are staying with them.

After the Chileans left my sister and I didn’t know where we would eat breakfast and dinner each day. We had been tagging along with the meals they provided for their team. We asked the family who lives in Local Central if we could eat breakfast and dinner with them each day, and they were happy to host us.

Through IberoAmerican Ministries, we were able to give this family ample money to purchase extra food for us in February. As we got to know the family better they confided that the husband wasn’t able to work the entire month of January and their savings was almost completely used up for February. Before we came they were worried about how they would be able to put nutritious food on the table in.

I had entered their home worried I was a burden, and God turned it around to bless us both. I was so encouraged by their hospitality and faith in God. I taught the Tia how to make brownies and she taught me how to make a famous Peruvian dish, Lomo Saltado. We all agreed that the month of February was rich in blessings. I am SO thankful to God.

While I built relationships with several different families through meal sharing, God used the first six weeks of service in the church to build my friendship with Judith, a single mom who works overtime for the church in Ciudad Nueva. She opened her home to me when I was super sick and allowed me to rest in her bed throughout the day.

When I didn’t have a home she offered to house me in her smaller-than-a-studio-apartment home with only two twin beds. Judith was willing to share a twin bed with her mom and 8 year old son in order for me to have my own bed if I lived with her. Of course I couldn’t accept that offer, but it soon became clear that the best option would be for me to live with Judith.

The church bought a bunk bed for the family to replace one of their twin beds. I have the top bunk and Judith and her son share the bottom, queen instead of their old twin. When I leave in April, everyone will have their own bed.

My sister moved in with a different family down the street from Laura and Ana. They love the Lord and have incredible testimonies, but they have never housed anyone from outside of Tacna before and have a lot to learn about us gringas. After eating lunch with them a week ago, I was reminded that God never gives us anything we can’t handle, and He isn’t having me live there for many reasons. My sister, on the other hand, is much stronger in certain areas and I am confident God will do incredible works through her living there. As you remember to pray for me, though, please pray for my sister and the new family as they learn to live with each other’s starkly contrasting cultures.

Thank you again for your prayers. I am blessed to see so much good that has come from not having a home for six weeks; I am blessed to be able to spend my last seven weeks in Peru with a family, a friend, and to be able to sleep on a bed. The Lord is showering me with love that I do not deserve, and once again I am compelled to express how thankful I am to Him.

Far from Home

After three days in Tacna I had officially been out of the country for the longest time in my life. After four weeks I had been away from home for the longest time ever. I booked my ticket last week to return home on April 16 instead of the original date, February 17, and I noticed I am over 4,000 miles away from home. And let me tell you, I feel it.

A lot of things in Tacna have been uncomfortable for me. There have been many physical discomforts, but those are also the most temporary. I am more pensive about emotional and spiritual discomforts.

What’s especially uncomfortable for me is that I have never felt “right” here. When God led me to a different church last July, everything from the fellowship to the new ministry opportunities felt right. I was sure God had led me there, and I had this overwhelming feeling that I was a puzzle piece fitting perfectly with the greater picture.

This entire time in Tacna I haven’t experienced that “yes;” yet I’ve had the constant assurance that God led me here and wants me here for a season.

Not only has God kept me from feeling like I belong in Tacna, but He’s also given me strong desires to return home to:

~my previous commitment with the high school girls at my church

~spend more time with my family

~slow down to glorify Him in a culture that values efficiency at all times

~get more involved in my neighborhood (and use the conversational Spanish I’ll have)

~get a job where I can interact with people and share Christ’s love with everyone on a daily basis

I’m in a state of waiting with excitement, a state I am very familiar with. I was excited to graduate college, but I had to work hard and wait. I was so excited to come to Peru and start an after school program, but I had to finish college and wait. Now that I’m here, I’m not homesick but very excited to return to the States in God’s timing because of what He has put on my heart to work on.

Once again, I feel the distance between where I’m at and the things God has put on my heart to do, and once again I wait and pray. Over the years I’ve tried to develop an attitude of appreciation for each stage of life, for each day, and I am very grateful to wake up every morning in Tacna. I am blessed to be able to hug and kiss so many of God’s children every day. I’m thankful that God has given me a glimpse of what He has for me starting on April 16, but I am definitely thrilled to be here.

It’s a win-win: Every moment is filled with hope in what Christ is doing both today and preparing me for in months to come. All praise and glory to Him forever.

Time and Spanish

After spending a week trying to learn the language, I struggled with the fact that Spanish is not time-efficient. It often takes more than twice as many syllables as it does in English to say anything, but I’ve yet to find a Peruvian in a hurry. People come to drop something off and what would be considered “overstaying your welcome” in American culture is a welcomed visit. Peruvians often arrive and leave later than planned; time is more of a suggestion than a controlling cultural force.

It was so hard for me to stop thinking in terms of time and efficiency. I’ve been raised in a culture which promotes it, and I’ve thrived in school by utilizing good time management skills. As a runner, I’m always trying to compete against the clock—run more miles in less time. I’ve still made a genuine effort to put God’s plans first and be open to His will regardless of my own, but I’ve never been obligated to take my time with everything. I didn’t realize how restless I get when I have to go slowly.

I didn't want to miss out on an opportunity to love someone because I was in a hurry. I asked God for patience as I struggled with adapting to this part of the culture, while also asking God to show me what was in my heart and mind that made it so difficult to slow down. I don’t remember any specific revelation I had, but I’ve grown in God and no longer find it difficult. I appreciate the extra syllables as part of the beauty of the language and culture.

It's a slow and steady process to learn the language, too, but I've actually had trouble sleeping a few nights because I've been so excited about how far I've come. I praise God for the ability to learn a new language and communicate with so many new people!

Me encanta español!

Being Both Stretched and Comforted

God continues to stretch me as I relinquish my ability to plan anything. I can hardly remember anything I’ve done in the past week because I’ve spent most of the time inside—definitely not how I planned my first week in Tacna, but a food bug that hit me and my team has kept us from doing much the past few days. Despite the difficulties, I’ve been able to spend some great time with God and have had the opportunity to praise Him from the bathroom floor…in addition to asking for healing. :)

The family my sister and I were originally supposed to stay with is unable to host us until they have a bathroom built, and those plans have been postponed for at least a few weeks. Steph and I have been staying with Brian, the pastor, and his wife, Chiqui.

This temporary home for the last week has been especially comfortable—I’ve had a cozy bed that I didn’t have to share with anyone; I’ve had access to internet in the house; and I’ve been able to speak English to Brian and Chiqui. I praise God for blessing me with this week of external comfort when I was physically uncomfortable.

Brian and Chiqui have friends and family coming, so we can’t stay in their guest room anymore. For at least a few days Stephanie and I will be sleeping on their couch and floor, and then we’ll be sleeping on the church floor for the next few weeks, possibly for the rest of my stay. There is a group of Chilean missionaries about our age staying in the church for three weeks, and I’m looking forward to getting to know them.

I’ll admit, I’m bummed that I may leave Peru without staying in a fully Peruvian household, but God is good, and He's been in control the whole time. The only real command I’ve heard from Him in regards to this trip is “go,” so any of the plans concerning where I sleep, eat, serve, fellowship, when I come home, are and always have been up to Him.

I’m constantly being stretched, and it is certainly difficult, but I am confidently hopeful that God will provide, comfort, heal, and grow me through everything, using it all to glorify Himself. I have no idea what our wonderfully mysterious God’s plan is, but I know that it’s perfect and I’m still ecstatic to be a part of it!

My Arrival

I’ve arrived safely! Things haven’t exactly gone according to plan—we ran into some unexpected inconveniences, but God has been so wonderful. He’s totally taken care of our health and safety. In fact, I had a swollen tonsil Monday morning and, after praying for God’s healing, it was completely back to normal by Monday night. Praise the Lord!

We had traveled for over twenty-four hours, so when we got on the plane from Lima to Tacna I wasn’t even excited for anything but sleeping; but as soon as we were in the air and I could only see dirt outside my window I was awake and excited—I would be in a whole new world in less than two hours! During our descent to Tacna I saw hundreds of boxes that didn’t look large enough for humans to fit in—they were groups of houses. Welcome, new lifestyle!

Ana, Laura, and I were picked up by my sister and some church members. I was thrilled to finally be there! We all piled into a van, and I was introduced to the Tacnan driving system—all I will say is that, as aggressive as I am when I drive, I wouldn’t feel comfortable driving in Peru...ever. We went straight from the airport to enjoy a delicious meal prepared by Tia Ayda-Lyda, Ana and Laura’s host mother.

I was blown away by the way everyone lives here. Walls, doors, and ceilings are often designated by sheets. It makes for a very beautiful and eclectic home, but also reminds of how blessed I am.

A thousand pictures cannot capture even one view from Tacna. I had looked through Stephanie’s photos many times and was not at all prepared for what I experienced in the first 24 hours. Nevertheless, I will share some pictures with you. These pictures are all taken from the second story of the church, but from three different angles. It basically looks like this EVERYWHERE you look:

I gathered as much sleep as possible throughout the trip, but all of the resting only added up to about 3-4 hours of sleep in 35 hours. I was completely exhausted.

After spending the day in Tacna, meeting and kissing face after face, I was overwhelmed. At the last real event of the night, a welcome party for some other missionaries who arrived the same day, it was all I could do to keep my eyes open. While earlier in the day I could comprehend basic conversations in Spanish, I could no longer understand anything… and it didn’t bother me because I lacked energy to contribute. By the end of the evening I had lost almost all of my enthusiasm for this trip and wanted to go home. I felt trapped.

When we finally arrived at Brian’s home I was shown to my room that Stephanie and I would share for one week. Minutes later I lay in my bed, quietly crying. I was overwhelmed, exhausted, and saw no way out of this situation. Before I fell asleep I remember praying Lord, I know You’ve called me here, and I know it is for Your glory. Please help me glorify You in everything, even if it feels this terrible the whole time.

I slept so well I completely forgot where I was. When I awoke to the sounds of Spanish in the other room, I thought it was gardeners outside my house. Once I opened my eyes I was instantly filled with excitement! I’m in Tacna, Peru! I have surrendered my life to God and have just begun an adventure! I’m sure I’ll struggle again, but God has definitely renewed my body and spirit after an 11 hour sleep. Besides that first night, I have been completely happy here. I love the people and the food, and I’m picking up the language really quickly! I can’t wait to see what else God has for me!

I'm Leaving Today for Tacna, Peru!

I’m so excited to start this trip! I have already been overwhelmed with how much love and support I’ve received in the States and cannot wait to go share that love with others. I am blessed beyond measure.

God’s recently put it on my heart to touch people. As Christians, we are the hands and feet of Christ, and a hand on a shoulder or hug is a fantastic way to allow people to tangibly experience God’s love. This recent call to touch others came in perfect timing because I’m about to be immersed in a very touchy-feely culture.

Today marks the beginning of a new chapter in my life—ministry in Tacna, Peru. I’ve felt the call to abandon my home and all of its comforts for the glory of God. While I’ve spent the last 2 and a half years trying to surrender everything to Christ, I’ve never felt so compelled to give up so much at one time. So far, I am surrendering:

~Family

~Friends

~My bed and blankets

~Language

~Clothes

~Cleanliness

~Temperature comfort

~Pets

~H.S. Girls

~Godly leaders

~My guitar

~Gym

~The ability to run (it’s not culturally acceptable to “go running” in Tacna)

~My new and beautiful laptop

~Personal room and space

~Easy contact with friends at home

~Culture

~Convenient stores

~Beautiful California landscapes

I know that some of these things will be given back to me in some capacity once I’m in Peru, and I may lose the desire to have many of the things on my list, but there are some things that I may miss every day while I’m away. I’m looking forward to experiencing God’s comfort in every situation and “loss” that I feel. Jesus promises in Mark 10:29-30a “Let me assure you that no one has ever given up anything—home, brothers, sisters, mother, father, children, or property—for love of Me and to tell others the Good News, who won’t be given back a hundred times over.” I am confident that this surrender is not in vain, that everything I give up is for God’s glory, and, as a result, I am extremely excited to surrender everything to jump in to Christ’s plan for me.